Skip to main content

A Special read; Mother's day weekend for Motherless adults

Losing a mother hurts no matter the age a person is. Ask any motherless kid or adult they will tell you. And unfortunately the phrase "time heals" isn't as practical as it is supposed to be. There are days when the grief is small, sometimes medium and sometimes it hurts to the core. The concept of time is sometimes applicable in terms of the intensity of the feelings but basically, there are no rules in this grief thing.

For my case, everything I was afraid of when I was growing up, came to pass in July 2016 when I lost the psychology professor. More than six years down the line and the pain is as fresh as it was the day I saw her lying lifeless at St Luke’s. I still yearn for her voice, her smell, the sound of her laughter and the food she cooked. I talk about her to anyone and everyone who cares to listen or ask, not because I am stuck or because I haven’t moved on but because I am hers and she is mine. And no amount of time will ever change that fact. New comers in the motherless field sometimes reach out to the mjengo girl for insights and maybe tips on how to overcome the grief of losing a mother. To some I am helpful and to others, I say what I think they want to hear and finish with "there are no rules in this thing buana." 

There is a difference between life, a book and a movie when it comes to matters death. In a book, she may regain consciousness before dying. In a movie, she may open her eyes one more time and give you that reassurance smile, maybe send you out for something blah blah. Maybe we wouldn’t have to see them in bad shape and remain with an image of her all smashed up with tubs in her face. We would probably have the chance to tell our loved ones how much they mean to us instead of the random hospital small talk to pass time.

I would say grief is worse in adults because they are fully grown and they comprehend the seriousness of the matter but the truth is grief is as bad as it sounds. Adults have it worse because they have been a part of the bereaved for a longer time and unfortunately the greater the time, the greater the memories. We live in a transitory world; we are all spirits in constant search of something to hold on to. The fragility of life is a subject that we all can relate to. 

You could spend your lifetime working your ass off and saving money for a vacation in December probably in Miami, only to get hit by a lousy driver and boom, the end. Or you could spend your time eating healthy and minding your body shape, avoiding these lifestyle diseases only to be shot dead by a thug in need of a hundred bob. Or like the Garissa University case, you could spend your youth dreaming and working towards a better future for you and your parents back in ushago, only for Al Shabaab to strike in the middle of the night and cut your dreams short. Or like my mama, you could work your ass off to better the lives of your children-because you’re all they have, only for some illness to catch you and kill you slowly as they watch helplessly. Trust me, the hell of watching someone you’ve known your whole life to be one of the strongest people, become less and less the person she was before the illness took over, watching their skin grow pale, their hair fall off, their memory destabilize, is terrifying and emotionally drowning.

This weekend, my heart goes out to all the motherless adults out there who are trying to make sense of this thing called grief. I was you. I am you. I feel your pain. Losing someone you love, getting your heart broken, crying for months, being sad at everything and angry at life for going on like nothing happened, is all part of it and in as much as it hurts to say, you will never completely get over it. Fortunately for you though, they’ll live forever in your broken heart that will never seal back up and you’ll learn to live with it, of course until your time comes. Because after all, it’s our destination. This soil that we step on every day will be our roof forever. Some will go before others.

#HappyMother'sDay

#Mothers'Day2023

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Read our popular posts here

Wamaku on the Beach: The foreman's Vacation

You know those construction workers who are ever obsessed with their work and making them use their leave days is like punishing them? Yeah, Wamaku is one of them. He says he doesn't need the days and that if he needs to see his family, mamaa  and the kids will always come over. The project manager however decided that this year people will be working shifts during the Christmas holiday unike last year when every section worked in full. So Wamaku had to leave someone else in charge for the first two weeks of December and work the last two. It was either one or the other and he had to pick the days with the most overtime. Brilliant, right? Anyway, from the pictures on his statuses, he has been enjoying Mbezi beach. Although he takes the kind of photos that only 50+ year olds take. Or -4 year olds. Wait, now that I think about it, my 3 year old cousin takes better pictures. In his pictures, it looks he is trying to look like he is not taking the pictures while taking the pictures so
Post a Comment
Read more

The foreman's predicament; A story of attempted infidelity and getting caught

Wamaku came to work with strange spots on his face and part of his neck. He was also in a  very bad mood. Anyone who knows him knows that if someone "steps in his way" on such a day, they will go home. Literally. His form of punishment for a long time has been sending people on unpaid leave. Anyone who has worked in construction for a while knows that is better than being fired. He is a thoughtful man, some say.  Source: Nation media Word on the street is that Wamaku's wife found messages of him and the new earthworks intern, Julia. He came home drunk and got out his phone to inform her that he had arrived. They had been together that evening and as they parted ways, she had told him to text him when he gets home safe- what he was doing.  His wife had heard someone stumble over the kid's toys in the verandah and she had woken up to go see. It was her lovely husband coming back from a drinking spree. He was a little tipsy and he was trying to text someone. She walked t
Post a Comment
Read more

Lessons from the Mjengo to embrace in 2024: Happy New Year

  Working in the construction field AKA mjengo is like attending the world's most practical school of life lessons. First and foremost, it teaches the undeniable power of teamwork. Trying to build something substantial without a crew is like attempting to juggle bricks—it might work for a second, but eventually, you'll need a hand. As we dive into 2024, we must keep embracing the spirit of teamwork and togetherness. Construction sites are like giant, real-life LEGO projects where everyone has a specific role, from the architect who dreams up the design to the kagirl who cleans offices and fetches tea but somehow becomes the motivational cornerstone of the team. You quickly learn that collaboration isn't just a buzzword; it's the glue holding those bricks (and your sanity) together. Moreover, construction work is a masterclass in adaptability and creative problem-solving. You start your day with a blueprint, a plan etched in stone (well, paper), but the moment you step
2 comments
Read more