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Making a family the easy way: Mjengo stories

 So yesterday during lunch break at the kibandasky, I met an interesting character, a classic hooch hound. People at the mjengo call him Kalewa because of his drinking prowess. He appears to be in his mid-40s.

“Aaah, Redia, leo umekujia mashakura?” He shouted when he saw me approaching. By the way my name changed from Lydia to Redia the moment I stepped in Ol Ng’arua and my staple food is now mashakura. (If you know you know.)

“Eeee,

so what are we eating today?” I ask.

“The usual.”

“The usual? Okay then. Mathe, weka kawaida.” I say to Mama Chakula as I sit next to Kalewa.

Usually every lunch time at the kibandasky, we like to catch up about society, politics and football and other ‘mjengo-like’ topics. I have seen some ‘fat’ comments on my latest pictures but I can’t help missing lunch time interactions with people. And to sit in a kibanda and not buy something is an abuse to Mama Chakula so here we are.

“I haven’t eaten since yesterday. The day this kibanda closes is the day I’ll die of hunger.” Kalewa starts.

“Why? Didn’t wifey cook something, ama you arrived home high as usual?” I ask.

Everyone at the kibandasky broke into hysterical laughter. I didn’t get it. Well, I know am funny and all but at this point I was sure I hadn’t said anything that funny.

“Which wife?”

“Atoe wapi?”

“Huyu akiwa na wife mimi nitaokoka.”

The mockery went on and on for a few minutes as people ate their mashakura. Initially I couldn’t stand it when people talk with their mouths full but that’s a story for another day. One thing about Kalewa though, he wouldn’t let the mockery and criticisms get to him. He always had a way of countering all attacks.

Image: HANNIE PETRA
“You guys are laughing but I don’t see how different we are. Can someone please explain?”

“Look Kalewa, you’re over forty, no wife, no kids, no house and you still live with your parents.” How dare you compare yourself with us?” One mechanic asked.

“Here is the thing,” Kalewa responded. “You and I are almost age mates, I agree. You have a wife and three kids in high school; no problem. What you don’t know about me is that I have a plan.”


“Unleash it, we’re listening.”

“I have a shamba,” He explains. “Building should take me less than a year that is if I don’t lose this job. With this height and looks, and with all the problems women are facing, I’ll get a single mama with three kids- that will make me a father automatically.  And we’ll be more or less the same. We can bet on this.”

Everyone burst into laughter again. That was quite an idea, but if only building a family was easy.


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